Leaving you behind
I think i have given up trying to get J back. It's not that i am quitting, but i know him so well and i know that he is serious. As a follower of his head over heart, if he had made up his mind to move on he will, despite still being in love with me. It has caused me more pain and heartache than i have ever experienced. Not being able to eat or concentrate on things properly came part of the package.
I don't intend to use B either. I'm not that kind of girl who needs someone there and just because someone broke up with me i go to another. I don't know if i truly like him in the first place. I do admit that i have butterflies in my stomach and feel very happy with him. Perhaps something beautiful might happen. Maybe i was holding back because of J. But again, i don't want to fall in love on the rebound.
The other day i was talking to my colleague and i told her i'm really sad because the person i love does not want to love me anymore. And she replied, "Then go to the one who loves you."
Didn't know it was so evident.
Meanwhile, i still am not sure if i should forget J or not... First step is to figure out what my answer would be if down the road he wants to get back. I'm hesitant to move on because i keep hoping that he will come back to me but then again what if he doesn't? And seems most likely so, which is why i also feel i should move on. I don't want to hurt B too. Sometimes i wonder how i even got into this triangle. I definitely didn't initiate it. Up till now i tell B that i fell into things with him and it is all his fault ( jokingly ). He doesn't know about J though. But i thought of B as a friend and then suddenly he moved in on me. And that is why i feel so guilty for not stopping things.
Well... another week of work coming up. It's nice that it's a short week. :) The thought of spending the Chinese New Year with J brings back warm feelings... however this year it's not going to happen. Part of me wants him back so badly but part of me feels it's better this way too.
Can't understand myself sometimes... my mind is just so messy.
And i'm hardly 21.
I don't intend to use B either. I'm not that kind of girl who needs someone there and just because someone broke up with me i go to another. I don't know if i truly like him in the first place. I do admit that i have butterflies in my stomach and feel very happy with him. Perhaps something beautiful might happen. Maybe i was holding back because of J. But again, i don't want to fall in love on the rebound.
The other day i was talking to my colleague and i told her i'm really sad because the person i love does not want to love me anymore. And she replied, "Then go to the one who loves you."
Didn't know it was so evident.
Meanwhile, i still am not sure if i should forget J or not... First step is to figure out what my answer would be if down the road he wants to get back. I'm hesitant to move on because i keep hoping that he will come back to me but then again what if he doesn't? And seems most likely so, which is why i also feel i should move on. I don't want to hurt B too. Sometimes i wonder how i even got into this triangle. I definitely didn't initiate it. Up till now i tell B that i fell into things with him and it is all his fault ( jokingly ). He doesn't know about J though. But i thought of B as a friend and then suddenly he moved in on me. And that is why i feel so guilty for not stopping things.
Well... another week of work coming up. It's nice that it's a short week. :) The thought of spending the Chinese New Year with J brings back warm feelings... however this year it's not going to happen. Part of me wants him back so badly but part of me feels it's better this way too.
Can't understand myself sometimes... my mind is just so messy.
And i'm hardly 21.
posted by beautiful dreamer at
07:14
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