Missing him

I really can't forget J. I just "spoke" to him for quite awhile. First via text message then IM online. I really miss hearing his voice... It has been so long since we properly talked. And i took it all for granted..
The last time was when he told me he was leaving me.

After that was the few times when i called him, in tears, trying to tell him to come back.

I still cry.. but not as bad. I was telling my friend that it's a different kind of pain now.

At first it's like a fresh wound... Stinging and really painful on the surface. But later on when it becomes a scar, the pain changes. Not as painful in the sense that i can't control myself from crying or stop thinking about him.. but just one that hurts me from deep down. It's like a memory i struggle to hold on to, trying to remember every single detail, but yet i can't forget having it.

I don't know what the future has in store for both of us.. i only hope we can be together again. Just now he told me he probably will go to the US or Australia to further his studies after army. And might continue to live there after that. Well there's nothing to hold him back as he isn't even from here in the first place.... I know life will be better.... There are good and bad points.. But well. I hope i'm not left behind.

Well i have about one year to try and salvage things. I have sort of resigned to it, but i will not give up. Not sure how to go about winning him back, given he doesn't want to see me and all..
Sighs... If only he would just give it another chance.

I miss him so much. It hurts so badly.

Anyway i am on medical leave now.... Haven't been very well.

It's late now. Time to get to sleep. Goodnight, world.